While the events of the past couple of years have not left me unscathed, I believed that I was weathering the storm pretty well. The introvert in me loves being alone and quite frankly, I don't enjoy the mall and stores as much as I use to. I've spent a lot of time working on my photography and other projects but in the process, I have put something important on the back burner...my health. 

Weeks and months have passed by with unkept promises to eat better and exercise more. As it has gotten colder, I've been even less active and indulged myself in more hibernation by binge watching Discovery+ (Chip & Joanna, I love you!). I've ignored the scale and tell-tale signs of restless sleep, sluggishness and just an overall feeling of blah. 

I do think our bodies have a way of tolerating this bad behavior until they finally get fed up and take matters into their own...hands 🤷🏻‍♀️ or in my case...head. I hadn’t felt myself for weeks and finally succumbed to a nasty sinus infection. Which meant a visit to the doctor. I haven't been to the doctor in three years (yikes) and things have changed. While trying to schedule an appointment I was told that I would need to wait a week or visit an Express Clinic. Huh?? 

I knew I couldn't wait a week, so I ended up at said express clinic; a nice, condensed version of a doctor’s office staffed by nurse practitioners. The front desk receptionist was underwhelming since she barely looked at me and for some reason wrote in the notes that I had a sore throat and runny nose...neither of which was true. The nurse and nurse practitioner on the other hand were very kind and helpful. 

I was prescribed antibiotics for a sinus infection and sent on my way, but I wasn’t concerned with my diagnosis. Instead, I was reeling from the results I had seen at the beginning of my visit when I had to step on the dreaded scale. 

"Ohhh...is that number right?" I mumbled half outloud. The nurse kindly smiled and smartly made no comment. Sitting on the odd little table, waiting to be seen, the number flashed like a Vegas billboard in my head. “180!!! 180!!! OMG Tina! 180! You didn't weigh that when you were 9 months pregnant! What are you doing to yourself??” 

I honestly am not one to get caught up in the numbers part of my health. I know that I feel good when I hover around a certain weight, so whenever I've dieted that is the number I aim for. I still have no desire to be obsessed with the number, but I am hyper aware that my body has been screaming at me for some time to take better care and I've just pushed it aside telling myself that I can just make better choices but still enjoy a few treats. Problem is, I'm enjoying many bad choices and making only a few good ones. 

What's frustrating is that I know exactly what to do. I know I can eat good healthy meals that I enjoy and feel great. So why don't I? That is what I'm working to figure out but I'm not waiting for the right mindset anymore. 

A few short years ago I read Mark Sisson's book, "The 21-Day-Reset". He is all about getting back to a more whole food, ancestral eating strategy. A favorite quote from the book, "True self-satisfaction comes from pursuing life goals that are natural, enjoyable and easy to maintain." I went through the process and lost 30 pounds and felt amazing. I never felt hungry or deprived and I maintained good habits for well over a year. 

I've questioned many times why I stopped, and I've come up empty...but deep down, I know...I may enjoy some seclusion and a good excuse to avoid crowds, but I am not oblivious to the state of things. Pandemic, politics, human rights...trying to create a business whose initial model relied on art/craft shows, only to have them shut down...I am not unaffected. I am not unsympathetic or uncaring. When I really look at it, I was avoiding and seeking comfort. 

So, here is what I am focusing on. I have no control over all the things happening in the world, but I do have control over my health, the food I eat and the amount of activity I participate in.. Comforting myself with overeating and processed foods will not make me better able to handle the realities. My success is dependent upon my health. My ability to care for and love others well, is dependent upon caring for and loving myself. 

On February 1st I started the 21-Day-Reset, again. I know that Mr. Sisson really focuses on the idea that by following his plan you will never want to go back to old habits. I am not going to make excuses, but I do see now that my return to bad patterns was my way of seeking normalcy and comfort during more than difficult circumstances. My ultimate focus now is on the way I know better eating makes me feel and the reality that seeking comfort in food is a temporary solution with no good outcomes. 

I will not bore you with the day-to-day of this journey, but I will share highlights on occasion, along with valuable tips and maybe even some favorite recipes. If you’re interested in joining along feel free to reach out either through email or in the comments below. I would love to create an accountability group and safe place to share our challenges and triumphs.