Changing my eating habits has been a challenge but I’m only on day 6, so I’m hopeful that it will get easier. In the meantime I have had days that were surprisingly easy and days when I was ready to pick up a case of Coca-Cola and peanut butter cups and give in to the cravings!
After two days of good energy, a clear mind and no strong cravings I woke up yesterday morning, lethargic and foggy headed. I desperately missed my morning coffee with sweet, French vanilla creamer and I absolutely had no desire to go to my scheduled workout but I went anyway. I got through it and then I fought to urge to drive straight home to bed and instead stopped at the book store and then the grocery store to pick up new “good choices” for the coming week. Gratefully, there’s a Starbucks in HyVee and they offer, no sugar syrup lattes, which I sipped on and savored like it was my last meal. 😉
Heading home, I was beginning to feel more myself but my bad start had given an opening to the negative voices in my mind and I was finding it difficult to shut them up, so I took a small detour and stopped at a garden and landscape center not far from my house for a little inspiration that turned out to be a divine intervention of sorts. My bad morning was not just a matter of sugar deprivation, it was a culmination of frustration and impatience, and not being able to medicate with unhealthy food left me no choice but to deal with myself.
Struggling between my day job, that I love, and working on my passion, is not new. I’ve been doing it for a couple years now and lately I just have sort of given up and lived in a limbo. I go to work, I come home, I spend time with my family and I sit at my desk staring out the window. Maybe my dream to be a photographer is just that, a dream. Maybe all I’ll ever be a hobbyist. I’ll never be good enough or smart enough, or have enough business sense to ever make anything of it. (i.e. the negative voices in my mind).
Taking a moment and listening to my heart, and being willing to make a connection that I shy away from way too much, was exactly what I needed to do to help renew my enthusiasm and hush up the negative tape playing over and over. Sitting at my desk now, I have a purpose, a plan to work on. It may or may not work out but how will I know if I don’t try?