Letter to Myself

Try

“No one gets to tell you how big your dream can be.” Rachel Hollis

A couple months ago I somehow stumbled across the title of Rachel Hollis’ latest book, “Girl Wash You Face”. Little did I know the impact it would have on me and my life. So much of what she says just hits me in the gut. Deep down, I know these things she says, but for some reason I desperately need to hear them…over and over.

I am my own worst enemy. I allow my negative self-talk and the opinions of others to decide my dreams, my next steps, my limitations. I let my perceptions of what other people might think of me to keep me frozen in fear. I spend hours planning and making lists and planning some more. Filling out goal sheets and writing down my biggest dreams. I work very hard on paper but in real life…I’m a slug. A capsized turtle, waving my feet frantically but getting absolutely nowhere. The worst part is that I’m terrified to do anything about it. Or, I was.

I’ve stayed in a relatively safe little box, knowing that as long as I didn’t push the lines too far, everyone would be okay. I could have some small wins but never really accomplish the dream and if that meant that no one was inconvenienced or made uncomfortable then I was able to talk myself into conceding. After all, isn’t that what you’re suppose to do? Compromise. Dream a little but stay inside the boundaries of what’s practical and makes sense to the masses?

Meanwhile, another year is passing by and where am I? Still inside the comfort zone, not even straddling the fence! No closer to my dreams. The problem with compromising the  dreams laid on your heart is that no one wins. That’s what I’m learning. Trying to keep your plans inside what makes sense to everyone else is an insane way to use the gifts you been given. It robs you of any joy you may have felt when you first discovered your passion. It drains you of inspiration and motivation and it produces halfhearted work that you’ll never be proud of.

I do think it’s important to take into account the people in your life that are affected by your choices. I think it’s vital to be considerate and find ways of achieving your dreams fully without being negligent and irresponsible. I also think sometimes you have to be selfish. When your dream is taking you places you never imagined and your not compromising your integrity you have to let it take the lead. Not everyone in your life is going to agree or understand it. That is okay. Those who love you and support you are going to do so even when it doesn’t make sense. Those who don’t, won’t.

You won’t know, if you don’t try and you’ll never find your mountain top if you don’t start climbing. I have no idea how this little caterpillar happened to find himself at the very top of these dried up weeds but I’m impressed. If this little guy can get to the top of his mountain, then why shouldn’t I?

2 Comments on “Letter to Myself

  1. It is hard and understand. I struggle with self doubt as well. I try to not let it define me and strive to learn and practice my craft as much as possible. I find that getting out and doing what I love gives me solace and balance.

    Liked by 1 person

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