Tested

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I recently read somewhere that when you decide on a goal or purpose you should be prepared for your resolve to be tested. We all know this to be true. How many of us have made that New Year’s Resolution to lose 15 pounds only to find ourselves two weeks later sitting on the couch, complaining of a pulled muscle, while binge watching our latest guilty pleasure and ignoring the gym membership we so eagerly signed up for? Or how about deciding that we’re going to put “x” amount into savings each month and pay cash for our next vacation but suddenly discover that the price of gas and groceries have increased or something we’ve wanted for months has gone on sale so it would be silly to pass up such a bargain?

At the beginning of this year I made the decision that I was finally going to get serious about starting my own photography business. Over the next few months I took steps to bring that dream to life; quiting my full-time job and finding something more flexible (and less stressful), creating my brand and tweaking my website, talking to other photographers and self-employed business owners, and then scheduling my first sessions. Along the way I’ve had speed bumps and obstacles and sometimes I’ve simply procrastinated due to frustration, fatigue or fear. Funny enough, that’s also when I would come across an interesting webinar about marketing or lighting, or a friend would offer just the right words of encouragement or I suddenly had an entire day to meander the gravel roads of this beautiful state, just me and my camera…and I’m reinvigorated and ready to jump the hurdle in front of me.

Now…today…I’m struggling with my biggest obstacle…fear. As I mentioned, I left my full-time job and took a more flexible part-time position. I love it! The people are great, I get to be creative and when I punch out I can go home and not really give it a thought until I punch back in a day or two later. Thing is, I’m still averaging full-time hours and it can sometimes be very physically exhausting. I’m not complaining at all. I love that I’m moving all day long and not sitting in a cubicle and as I’ve made these changes I’ve still been able to keep up with my financial responsibilities. Something that would be difficult to do if I were working part-time hours. These two things have played a significant role in my lack of energy and time that I really need to be putting into my own business. At least that’s what I tell myself when I go to bed and haven’t taken a single picture, or worked on my website, or written in my blog.

I know I’m being tested. How much do I really want this? Enough to overcome my own doubts and fears? Enough to turn down the opportunity of a promotion at work? Am I really willing to bet it all on me?

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