My bedside table…here you will find an assortment of photography books, two different calendars, three journals (a fourth in one of the drawers), a notebook, the new Comeback book and study guide I just bought, Orphan Train by Christina Baker Kline that I borrowed from a friend (I’ve read the first two chapters), my IPad, four other self-help books that I really want to read, my bible and of course my clock, lamp and cell phone and ironically Stress Relief lotion.
I woke up this morning with a dull headache and in one of those moods that you can never quite figure out whether it’s a good or bad one. I wanted to do nothing but also wanted to do so many things. I knew my daughter was coming over, I needed to get groceries and if I didn’t do laundry I was going to have some tough decisions about tomorrows wardrobe. The weather was insanely perfect for January so I really wanted to get out for a hike or walk but the sun was bright and hurt my head. I really needed to watch some of the shows on my DVR before it fills up and begins to randomly delete them and I had promised myself that I would have my scrapbook space organized by the end of January (which would be today).
I finally threw off my covers and swung my feet off the bed, immediately regretting the speed with which I sat up. A strong pounding turned what had been a dull ache into roar. Elbows on knees I rested my head in my palms and sat there for a minute with my eyes closed until the thundering returned to a slow steady thumping and then finally eased into a tolerable, dull ache again. Opening my eyes I caught a glimpse of the pile of books and binders on my floor then glanced up at the only slightly smaller stack on the night stand. Uugh…looking away, I slid my feet into my slips and headed to the kitchen for coffee.
I was out of creamer (need groceries), so my coffee was slightly less than satisfactory but it was enough to get me mobile. I started the laundry, cleaned up the kitchen and then ran out for groceries and was home by 12:30pm in time to spend an all-too-rare afternoon with my daughter. I was able to get some of my scrapbook stuff together while she and her friend worked on a few pages of their own and I even spent a nice slice of the afternoon with my son creating a barnyard on MineCraft. Who knew it could be so much fun?! By late afternoon my headache was killing me, my back hurt and that stack of books and things in my room had become increasingly more annoying to me. What was suppose to be a dinner of pork chops, roasted potatoes and green beans, turned into a quick bowl of cereal so I could lay down and try to lose the headache in time to still get a few things done before the inevitable Sunday evening slump hit.
Unfortunately laying down meant looking at that pile of books…did it get bigger somehow? I laid down anyway but kept glancing over at the bothersome books. So many, so much…too many, too much…photography, fiction, how to move past your past, how to let go of mistakes…happiness, organization…being creative…SERIOUSLY!?
I got up, grabbed my camera and took this photo…several of them actually. I kept moving my tripod, opened blinds, shut the blinds, turned on the lamp, shut off the lamp. Tried with the flash and without. Played around with my remote shutter release (that was fun!) and then finally took this one. (I did play around with it on my computer and applied a pencil sketch filter to it because I like that filter and very seldom use it.) When I finally finished and had the photo the way I wanted it, I noticed that my headache had subsided and I was much calmer. But I also know that I’m struggling. I’m pretty sure I have some sort of AADD, it’s not just assorted random books that I find difficult to focus on. Cleaning my house should be an olympic event the way I do it. I fly around from room to room doing random things here and picking things up there. It all gets done but if people were to watch me doing it they might consider calling in a psychiatrist and having me checked out. What’s funny to me is that I don’t seem to notice it at work as much. However, I do multitask like nobodies business.
It has been a month since I started this blog and I must admit that I am enjoying it and I love that it is giving me some focus, however distracted it may be at times. In the search of living a mindful, purposeful life I do need to try and reign things in a little. For the month of February I’m going to tackle that proverbial annoying pile next to my bed and work to become a little more focused. By that, I mean to take all of those books and put them away. I’m going to pick one and read it. I will continue to make it a goal to get my camera in my hands every single day (and I need to be okay if once in a while that camera is my phone) and I will at the very least post at least one of the pictures I have taken that day. Once a week I hope to share something similar to this post. It may just be about my week or the book I’m reading. I just want to make sure that whatever I do, I do with purpose and heart.